Week 13: Singleness and Ministry>>>Trenton Prieshoff

I was told by a District Superintendent when interviewing that "it is not a problem that [I am] single," but I realize that it is, in fact, a problem if not handled properly. I have seen youth ministers date the girls in their youth group and I have heard too many reports of sex scandals in every denomination and tradition to think that it is "not a problem." As soon as my call to ministry really sank in, I made immediate changes to my behavior and continue to commit myself to a new "code" as situations come up which my previous code did not cover:

1. I maintain a very strict "NO TOUCHING" policy with women and girls. Even a touch on the shoulder or any kind of comforting touch to the hand, etc is enough to give a woman the wrong signals. The best method for avoiding temptation is to not give it a chance to start. Even with my closest female friends, touching is limited to a "one-arm hug" (and with those 4 or 5 I will comfort, but not with any physical touch).
2. I will be firm with how I manage relationships with females verbally as well. When women have emotional problems which require counseling or just advice, I will listen but enough to understand the source of the issue. At that point, I will guide them to another female on staff or within the church who could help them better for having gone through the same thing. If it is something I can help with personally for having a similar experience or being able to shed light from a different perspective, I will do so only in the presence of that second female or after she has met with them.
3. I will have a strict "Open Door" policy. There are some I can provide counseling for, but for serious issues, they need to see a professional counselor. As far as my role is concerned, the door needs to stay open or we need to meet somewhere where there are witnesses who can attest to my behavior in order to attest for my integrity and alleviate doubts when others in the congregation have them. That same "Open Door" policy would help deter any problem people who sought to develop a relationship with sinful intentions.
   
4. A new one I have added since this class is not to date anyone within the church. That is asking for trouble. It makes it difficult for the church by creating divisiveness if the relationship goes sour and it hurts how the church would perceive the minister's intentions for being there: as if he were there to find a spouse rather than to serve. There are plenty of other places to meet women as Drury outlined in his article. I am very content to be single and am not on the prowl, but if I met someone through doing volunteer work, a second job, another church, etc. I believe I am open to the idea of dating.
5. When dating, I maintain my "NO TOUCHING" policy with only a few added exceptions: holding hands and other "light" touching is permitted, though petting (light or heavy) are out of the picture. The first is only toying with the latter.

ANY RECOMMENDATIONS ON WHAT I OUGHT TO ADD TO THIS ARE WELCOMED AND APPRECIATED...